All The King's Horse

​

When I say "I love you"

When I say LOVE to you

It means

I'll speak to you in the morning

After I've been up crying and vomiting all night

And the stale air smells like piss and cigarettes

It means when I am barefoot in the backyard

And sweaty in clothes from the day before

With wet fruit rotting on the tree

And you try to tell me something

I will listen

It means when I am deep in the meditation of rage

And there are dishes piled in the sink

I will stop and breathe before I speak

It means

I will try to let myself cry

Before I let myself hate you and tear the sheets off the bed

It means

I want to give up my safety

I want to let you close enough to kill me

Because anyone can betray you

Anyone is capable

Of breaking us like eggs

If someone is going to destroy me

I'd rather it was you

And who knows

Maybe you'll have a little mercy